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DENVER MINUET (played at double-time)
miss the bus buy a frozen burrito work eight hours have an upset stomach stare at the mountains lean on a friend bake cookies shave my arms go to a noise show play some guitar make a friend sell some guitar pedals eat a cupcake wash my hair paint my nails dark blue bleed live alone shave my chest make a mistake go for a walk spend too much money on food sweat smoke a spliff get a Colorado ID remember a dream spend New Year’s alone learn about therians buy a few books bleed make pancakes take the bus get an erection when a friend hugs me bleed cry at work sweat hit my head go through an eighth in a week get called a man drink a non-alcoholic beer cry forget how to code buy organic produce go to work high cook with too much oil brew dark roast bleed don’t eat out for a year never ask for anything say thank you preemptively buy a sleigh bell jaywalk across four lanes sweat get sober develop a sense of place do yoga go out to protest play some distorted bass bleed take the stairs two at a time go to a noise show hit my friend’s piece take the bus sweat get called ma’am lose weight grow breasts see an old friend see a favorite band take molly cry in public take the train buy a pastry sweat take the bus remember why i can’t run anymore text and drive buy a blouse from a yard sale sweat get sober get called miss cum make an effort for myself sleep well dance in a dark field past one a.m. bleed rave ‘till i cry drink strong coffee move at a quick clip stand tall stand proud have faith in myself cook a nice meal for myself feel full of myself live for myself feel pride feel happiness feel—for the first time in my goddamn life—hope bleed eat a light breakfast go for a walk lose touch panic feel shame wither away hide away grow meek pour my tongue down someone’s throat go through an eighth in five days sweat hit my head hard stare at the ceiling get an erection when i look at myself in the mirror call my mom smoke a joint in the park cum on camera for someone stay up late to comfort a friend call a friend smoke a joint with a friend call a friend play some melodica buy a new pair of jeans make a field recording eat a huge salad scrub my shower sweat push thirty take the bus buy a frozen burrito
I Watched a Robin Flying
In the high-domed golden cage
Stained glass and ornate chandeliers
Loomed large over an ominous
Sea of navy suit jackets, close-cropped hair,
Black hearts
While I sat motionless in an
upholstered chair, waves of
Love and sadness and pain and plea
Rose to meet the cold darkness
And rain fell heavy outside
I watched a robin flying
Red and proud,
With wind chimes and feathers twinkling
from her ears. She land next
to me, and we chattered and laughed
shared gazes and compliments in
deep appreciation of our obvious beauty
so fragile, and overflowing with color
As the night ached on
And the glistening knives pointed
Towards us seemed more
and more dull
Tomorrow will always
shudder a nervous joy
But I hope this world
has a tomorrow in which
we can fly together
And chatter and laugh again
Both of us
Alive and free
I looked up what the word ``vicissitudes'' means and then I wrote this poem.
following the vicissitudes
of face and law and earth,
every smile a dice roll
for a bruised-peach future
sticky, discolored, tender
—and still: still, mind calm
tracing time’s arcing ray
and my upspiraling body
crown stretching to nuzzle
gray sky blue sky wind
as it fills itself full
of what it is
and what i am,
planting down sure, strong;
on an open-window night
hormonal ripples tingling sweet
ice floes crackling as
they thaw, their fruit swelling
as they ripen with lust
the warmth aglow
from somewhere dark,
somewhere me
Aware
earth tones, fuchsia
and a crackling maudlin mauve
sparks of dreaming
but not the way someone
dreams when they sleep—
the way they dream when
they let their feet hang
and swing, knock softly
on the boulder's edge
the reverberating wharf
nodding off their eyes clear
and bright, trained on ghosts
dancing crimson streaked along
soft field of view, time
fluvial, soft, warm:
the humidity settling
on chilled necks
something sweet and nutritious
sitting heavy
in a tacky novelty mug
grains sprouting from
telluric scalp searing
and dying is
as simple as knowing
who they are
Untitled IV
wonder wander
in the act of self-
unknowing
bemused search
the floorboard grains
strewn pebbles
curved glass
bared being
graph-ruled
empty-full
rose (Vase [alt. take])
There is a flower growing out of my spinal cord, blooming beautifully up and out, forcing itself through my brain and pressing its petals with needy force against the inside of my skull. The tired tangles of gray matter, delicate arrangements of loops and circuits all, are stressed to the point of malfunction, and so we are left with a mess of cross talk, short circuits, desynchronization, misfirings, and exposed ground wires. We are left with floaters, snow, burning-throbbing-aching-itching, pressure, a deafening ringing, nausea, photophobia, hyperacusis—a permanent hangover that can’t be slept off. Everything feels wrong, but still I love myself like I love a downed power line: gently and with reluctant understanding, knowing that it will do its honest work the best it can until it fails completely.
sin título III
filling with its own density
slush soaking sneakers, canvas
waiting to dry out, evaporate
leave behind coastlines of salt:
memories of travel
paint by numbers
the ``only'' way to see—
see something
beautiful
connected dots
stick figures cartoons
trotting down the number line
all real, all of it
but more complex in feel,
sense, emotion
grasp at its straws (coffee cups, tori)
see fingers turn to
tesselation
phasing
step unevenly, unplottably
unaccompaniably
crystalline crunched planar
hoary sky confident in its purpose
giving unto us what it knows
to study, to learn
each flake its own
tracing a singular path
glinting as frost
as wind blows
Vase
a shapeless pain finding
home in the hollow in my chest
filling fully empty air hot cold
a dead weight reaching
its fiery fingers flickering licking
skull shoulders spine
a rose unfurling blooking
supravertebral stem mingling coiling
plant medula pons midbrain
growing forcing forcing up through
cracking the shell exit wound
triumphant victory sparks spilling
champagne soaking skin glistening
unfocused rage
无标题II
face smeared opalescent
in the oil slick
fingertips singed
cracked skin aching
to the wrist
livid sky muffling
sunlight
bruise pulling
sagging skin down
to concrete
thin rays tangling
through remnants of
a broken-into car's
window shards
chance constellations
to be redrawn
with the wind
Endless White
A group of clouds in the sky
Round peaks swelling up
Emergent: something unruly
Jagged knives tearing open flesh
Thousands of liters of blood
Not enough pressure to keep the fortress afloat
A broken body gliding down the river
Following its flow
In Transit
drove all night to
somewhere familiar:
a stop on the way to
somewhere new.
chips and pie and coffee and monster
medications and a megadose iron supplement
churning nauseating.
——————
on the porch
before sunrise
a horribly canoeing joint purchased pre-rolled
smoldering strangely in its legality
panties too small
the ol’ house creaking
my how things have changed.
beyond smoke i can still see my breath
—autumn wandering in warily—CO₂
warm from deep, even, peaceful
respirations
warm from the love i have for myself:
new womanhood, forward motion.
warm from the love of friends, family:
their support all mixture of
clumsy, motivating, whole, un-self-conscious,
embracing, enveloping, amniotic
—known, felt.
the world isn’t so dark
the world isn’t so cold
though my feet are.
the peeking sun bringing out
the red in the front-lawn
tree’s leaves
smoldering.
moments before a leap
a full tank of gas
sugar and fat and yeast on an otherwise
empty stomach
coffee from the donut shop
light and
sweet and
carrying the taste of the plastic lid
moss-slick rocks the lake’s
crooked cracked lower jaw
paper-white shark fins serrating
the horizon
sun gentle
waves calm, slow, carrying
memories lazily back to me
all the time in the world
the wasps can smell
the sugar-sweet sentiment
the chocolate on the corner of my mouth
wide quadratic grin
eyes welling over
a long goodbye for a long tomorrow
Rolling
The cool air tumbling over the lawn in front of the church as we lay
holding the grass and breathing easy
at the end of the night. There’s
nothing to be said
and nothing in me working to say it
Just the traffic on the streets and the blood in my veins and the
lovely waxing gibbous hanging in the sky, so
wonderfully framed by the
skyscrapers
& chewing & chewing & chewing & chewing
& chewing & chewing & chewing & chewing
& chewing & chewing & chewing & chewing
I am in awe
I am in love
I am not at war with my body
The car in the parking garage as late night becomes later night becomes early morning
Here in this transitional space it all feels so far away; feels
safe from time and everything. From
tomorrow
Waiting for the whites of our eyes to show themselves again so that we can finally shut them all the way
The sun its own wound
Spreading like a dye over
the horizon
Cirrus eddies in its wake
Awash in my own afterglow
This humming heart unforgettable
Somewhere Along I-80
The wind turbines turning, rolling
Almost as slow as these hills
Sky's orange smile spreading across the horizon languid
Your fingers plucking softly
Ambling between E and A
Guitar warbling sweet with compression
As it floats over satellite
fills
the car, my ears, my heart
Your laugh full
Of warmth, glowing through the windows
Like the late-July heat
Embracing
Face flushed warm wet
A complete release
Forwards
Maintenance
walking back from Walgreen’s with the high sun
and the tree branches tricking
shadows into dancing
across this corpse—
MY corpse
hair tangled
humming pushing air straight from my diaphragm
gas exchange
magnesium
for the throbbing
aches and
shoes a brown mottle from silty rain puddles
nothing can steal this song from my lips
Untitled I
Listening to the rimegepant dissolve
on my tongue
Laying on my back
Watching the sunrise—
the kitchen light warm up
Slowly brighter
'til it engulfs me
I have no one to be
I have nothing to say
I have nothing to do
I have nowhere to run
Not that I'd go there anyways:
It's too late
I'm cornered
A prey animal
A resigned sigh
Finally something good is happening